Random Filler

(filler in here refers to some irrelevant episodes which don't have a clear contribution to the main idea of the series) (as in Naruto series)

For some reasons, I just re-read the content of this blog and come into a conclusion that I sound gloomy-er recently. Well, even though  this blog was originally created as my tsurhat tanpa tedeng aling2 media and I didn’t feel the need to sugar-coat anything I was going to write, I still couldn't deny the fact that I was not happy of the ugly side of me I’d shown during those centain period of times.

Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Everyone is up against something so it is kinda pathetic to shamelessly whining and whining while the others put their anxiety into action.

So,
Imma brighten this cuaca mendung a little bit with a story about my peculiar ally. Yep, an ally.

Like ‘black widow-hawkeye in avengers: civil war’ kind of ally.

I met this person the moment I entered my previous job. My first impression about him was: "Damn, this person was just as 'difficult' and as 'bedazzling' as the others."

This judgement ain't based on nothing tho. It was a pain in the throat to approach him at first but since he knew the nature of my assignment, trying to communicate to him was an exclamation I couldn't avoid.

He was the 'star' of our directorate. He was the Brann Stark who knew about everything while me, on the other side of the room, simply represented Hodor lol –a geek always uses geek references to explain thing to make it more confusing, pardon us-

Mau nanya soal perkembangan desentralisasi? Ask him
Mau nanya soal karakter otonomi daerah? Ask him
Mau nanya soal isu global, perekonomian, gejolak fiskal? Ask him
Mau nanya soal rejeki, jodoh, rizki, maut? lol, probably not to him
Im so not funny ahahahahaha haha....aha....hah.
Forget it.
Bottom line is, he knew everything. He was basically the Asian Jedi.
But is that all I want to talk about?
Well, not really.

I've already mentioned about the 'weather' of my previous work environment in the last post, haven't I? So right now I intend to highlight this one particular individual and why he seemed so strange to me.

He reminded me of the overly ambitious Andrew Newman from Whiplash. I do agree that Andrew’s character is the extreme one but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t relatable in today’s reality.

His goal was to pursue his master's program in one of the most prestigious universities in the USA. Why? Because it had the best lecturers, as he explained.

Finding a sponsor/scholarship was already hard enough but at this point, I think I should also tell you how difficult it was for someone to pass the admission process for this particular campus. As a comparison, I could go study my ass off till I get nosebleed and hair loss, and yet, I am afraid that neither my GRE nor CV would get me in. Lol, my point is, your achievement and qualification at least must be on the level which can convince the admission board that you are capable of creating amazing things like finding the cure for cancer or solving world hunger or preventing World War III, etc. so you deserve the chance to get in.

My ally worked super hard like it was a matter of life and death. He spent most of his time and his mind working on the admission requirements. While me and my friends hanged out from one place to another, he stayed at his working desk until late to study and prepare the admission requirements. Like all the time.

He spent a large sum of money too. He brought a mountain of books and had to travel to places a lot. He had to pay this and that just for one and only reason. If it was me, I think I could buy thousands of Burger Kings with that so,...I kinda understand his sacrifice.

Well,  after all those difficulties,  did he succeed?
yeah,  he got both the scholarship and the university he wanted.
He said that success is a definite thing as long as we give the right amount of effort.
I did believe his saying since he proved it by himself, I honestly wrote it hard on my forehead as one of the lessons I had learned from him.
So, for you guys who are in the middle of 'fighting', just keep doing what you are doing and the hard work won't betray you. That's the first message of this post,
the second one is going to turn significantly tho,  so be prepared.
.
This is about the side effect of all those behind-the-scene success stories.
Due to his tight-crowded schedule, my ally was all by himself most of the time, like a lone wolf. He did enjoy his alone time but the way I saw it, it was still kinda sad. I mean, his countable sacrifices were too much already, and yet he had to bear the uncountable too?

it got me to wonder and wonder, why did he do that? What pushed him that far?

I wasn’t intend to define his ambition as a character flaw, but in fact, I unconciously did.

I told myself that I wouldn't be able to live my life that way. And I didn't want to either.

We were the complete opposite, but in some aspects, I found my reflection on him.

I considered myself an ambitious person. My surrounding said so. My childhood friends, my relatives, and my neighbors said so.

But when I looked at him, I was just half –or even a quarter-way there while he had reached the whole way to the peak. 

I was 1000% sure he would achieve all of his targets (well, he did), but at the same time it got me thinking “then what?” “he might be on top of everything but after that, what?” “he might left a mark in this world like other important figures as he dreamed, but then what?”

Andrew Newman successfully proved his determination as a musician but he lost his social life in the way.

Alan Turing had broken the enigma code and saved billions life and yet he lived a sad short life and died in the most miserable way possible.

Robin Williams killed himself.

Why? Why does it has to be that way? I am completely lost here.

My ally flew to USA half a year ago and we haven’t talked ever since (and we probably never will because of one –better not to mention- cringy mistake)

I was happy but also sad for him ehehehe.

His way of life was like a ‘slap in the face’ for me.

Hope he finds a little ‘inner peace' and happiness by the end of the day.