Emptiness Kills, a Prequel

“Does life get better when we are older?”

“No…"

“No?" Asked Riley with a sad look in her face. Celeste pulled a smile while shook her head.

"…But you do, you get better.”

-Celeste and Jesse Forever (2012)

Emptiness kills?

Yeah, it does. Really, it does. Maybe not physically but it is capable of killing a person, mentally. That’s why me and my friend often make a joke out of it. How we are dead inside in daily basis and almost feel nothing while our body is perfectly fine.

LOL, this kind of post AGAIN??

Sorry in advance because I am afraid that the content of this post is going to be as devastated as the title.

Hang on, okay? Here’s a rope, and here’s a candle. If I do not show up more than a month after this post is being published, you know where to find me, lol *sodorin ice cream populaire rasa stroberi*

Okay, let’s get straight to the bussines

*setelin lagu James Bay-Let it go biar dapet vibe ‘damn.im.so.freaking.tired.of.everything’*

Manusia is a very fragile creature, oh no no, scratch that. I mean, I AM a fragile creature.

I entered the game of life confidently. I looked straight ahead, rolled up my sleeve and tighten my shoe laces.

Unluckily, I stumbled and fell at the very first lap. Apparently, I was not a runner, I was not a good player. But that’s not important tho. That’s not the point I try to make here.

The major part I want to highlight was.. I was fine. Maybe I got some bruises here and there. But I was fine. I was Alive.

Why is that?

I always thought that I had survived because I was strong. I was unbeatable. How stupid.

I survived because they were there. My friends were there.

But now things change.

This so called adult life.

All my best friends are married, are pregnant, are building a new life. While here I am, still busy wondering how to level up my CoC and beat up 14 yo stranger online.

No, please don’t get me wrong. I am happy for my friends’ new life. I sincerely am.

When my friend said “I just went to my doctor for my second USG, and you know what, I cried when I heard my baby heart beat for the first time.” I felt goose bump all over my body and I guess I was cried too, a little.

I startled for a while and didn’t find the right word to say.

She was happy, and I was happy for her happiness. I mean, where in the world a human doesn’t wish a happiness for its friend?

The only problem is, I am not quite an adaptive person.

I need time to get used to rapid changes.

People say that “We tend to being oblivious of everything we have until all those thing disappear and we finally realize how important those are to our life.”

I feel it now. I used to have a plenty of closest friends next to me, all the time. Not much but enough to fill my whole days. I don’t have a big life anyway.

They were there. Watched over me, scolded me, cried with me, cherished me, encouraged me, teased me, laughed with me, laughed at me. They were playing the very same game I was in. They were there.

Now that they, one by one, are moving out of this city, entering their new stage of life, I feel empty.

Need some times for me to figure this out, but now I know.

I can’t live without my friends.

I feel like there is no one in my running track now. There is no one to compete with or just simply to run with.

It is freakin quiet right here.

Let’s say, if there is a bull, coming out of nowhere, suddenly entering this track and running wild toward me and eventually hurting me, I don’t mind.

I will get hurt of course, but I don’t mind.

I don’t feel like playing anymore.

Jadi, ini ceritanya prekuel dari post dead inside (the cause and the cure). LOL…selo banget yak idup gue kalo buat yang ngegalau2 gini.

Well, as always, I need to feed my ego somewhere and this blog is the right place to do so hahaha, bear with me.

So what is my motive really? I don’t get it either…I am too dumb to have an ulterior motive or such hahaha. I just want you guys to know that if you are experiencing the similar feeling, now u realize that U are not the only one. I come to this conclusion after talking with my close friend. He suffers the same deal and is in search of the cure. Gladly, I’ve already found mine J